There Oughta be a Law

Mega Bloks suck: No seriously. Whoever makes this horribly engineered piss poor copy of LEGOS should be sent to Cheap Toy Jail. I think it’s on the same island as Airport Jail. The environmental impact of the sheer volume of discarded Mega Bloks must be huge. They’re crap. I’m serious. Please. Don’t buy them for your children. If you’re thinking of buying Mega Bloks because you think you can’t afford LEGOS, email me. I will share my tips and tricks for getting LEGOS on the cheap. Hell, I will sell you some of ours. LEGOS can be found at yard sales, on craigslist and at thrift stores new in boxes all the time for half or even less than half the cost of new Mega Bloks kits. Please. I beg of you. Step Away from the cute Mega Bloks toys.

Don’t get me wrong; you don’t see me breaking out the high-grade stuff for Jack yet. Don’t rush me-he’s already taken my die-cast Gravedigger into the shower where it’s been covered now in soap scum and hard water and I’m sure is beginning to rust. Matchbox car tires litter the floor of the house and clog the vacuum cleaner hoses (he likes to remove the tires, don’t ask me why but can you see where I’m going here?) and outside? Oh. Don’t make me look. The Power Wheels cars. Filled with dirt. Rocks. Used as tow trucks. Treated like…like common TOYS!

He’s two. And three-quarters, but whatever. He has no respect for the little helmets and the ninja swords and daggers and forget it if you want to hang onto all four wheels of a car. And at this point we haven’t yet separated the Heirloom LEGOS (Michael’s collection from when he was Jack’s age and up) from the yard sale LEGOS so mega-bloks it is, which is how we ended up today with this guy:

getting too close

Don’t Hate. He might look a little odd, but he can attack 360 degrees and he is a scepter wielding magician and he has a shield so he can protect anyone who is within 10 feet of him! He has 16 magic points, too, and his groin is made of sawblades. His wife was a little put off about that part at first but he does a great job in battle and earns quite a bit of pocket money for her so she got over it. Don’t talk about his prosthetic leg though-he’s still a little sensitive about that part, what with the shuffling along since he doesn’t have knees.

We wouldn’t even have any of these interloper crap wannabe LEGOS except last weekend my husband drove an hour to pick up three bins of loose LEGOS from a sale ad on Craigslist and since they were so far away I asked the woman to confirm that they were all LEGOS- no Duplos or Mega Bloks. “Nope, no Duplos, No Mega Bloks- All LEGO Sets from 99-2009” she assured me and went on to say that many people were interested and we should run down and pick up the bins, which we did. Guess what. MEGA BLOKS! Not many, so the investment was sound due to the multitude of Star Wars mini figs buried in the recesses of one bin. No, in case you’re wondering, I’m not letting Jack play with them. Yet. He has to show me that he knows how to properly care for an heirloom toy before he can handle them. Much to earn you have, young padawan.

conference

What I hate about Mega Bloks other than their piss poor colors, design integration and that their pieces will not stick together for more than .05 seconds is that every time you try to make a guy hold something his freaking hand breaks off. I need a plastic welding kit to repair my Evil Disfigured Merlin, who I spent a good part of the afternoon conceptualizing by the way.

dangerous

This life without Telesitter thing is no bullcrap, even though I know it’s probably making my kid smarter by the minute– I may have to reproduce again or start homeschooling Avery. I didn’t have two little kids so I could sit around and build freakin’ Mega Bloks all day. Maybe if my husband would come off some LEGOS I could engineer something that could capture my interest a little longer. That’s how I’ll couch it: “Honey, we’re either having more children, or you need to come off some Legos. Make a choice.”

I’ll keep you posted.

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