We did the Yearly Professional Portrait trip to Baby-Mart tonight (since we had a gift certificate) and were hoping to get a few good shots with TeenHer and babyA, but as is required by the Baby Bill of Rights, we had to leave after just one pose. The moron trying to fold up BabyA’s legs so her dress would fit over them didn’t help any. Hello, dumbass, babies don’t generally sit indian style on purspose when they’re ONE. Baby A 1 Year

So, we collectively made complete asses of ourselves for a few minutes, with some “brrrrrring!brrrrring!” and some “uh-OH!” and some “Where the BAby!” and some “cutie POOOtie!” until we were able to coax a couple of grins from her before the bottom fell out and Only Dad Would Do after that.

“you know what? We’ll just leave”, I said. “We’ll come back another time. Just do the free 8×10 of the one smile, and we’ll come back some other time to get the family portait thing. She’s not in the mood”

“Are you sure? We can try some different things….” (this ssaid while setting up the prop for the “tender moments” pose, which is just a close up facial shot with a black background) “We can totally get her to smile again at least for a second or two and then I can snap the shot and she can go back to her daddy”

Meanwhile, A is shooting me the Look of Death from her dad’s arms, like, Bitch, if you think you can pry me out of THIS safe place I’m in without an all out nuclear hellstorm, you are SO UNDERESTIMATING ME.

I tried it just once, just to make her see that if I WANT to be, I can so be the boss. There was a noise coming from the child that you could TASTE. People sitting down to dinner at the Outback were like, “what the fudge is that bitter, nasty taste? It tastes RED!” And then their ears exploded.

Once we cleared away the rubble and politiely declined “giving it another shot”, I explained to the poor photographer, who was new, and that’s probably why she sucked so bad incidentally, that I don’t want to look at some very cute Tender Moment photograph of my daughters and think “Oh yeah, I remember, that baby screamed like her skin was being peeled off right before we waved the duckie over her dad doing a headstand with straws up his nose to make her smile”.

“wow”, said the photographer. “You’re the first person I’ve ever seen who actually left. most moms force their kids to do this once they get all the way here.”

Well. I am not most moms. For better or for worse, girls of mine. You didn’t win the Regular Mom lottery.

If you want to see the one great shot we did get, once I told the photographer to quit fudgeing with her legs and posing her like a baby doll, here’s the link:

For reference your
And your sitting code is: 486W2X


2 thoughts on “Pictures

  1. Yay!!! Very cute!

    And, for what it’s worth, we leave that same studio without any pictures 2 out of every 3 times we go!

    They do suck…..but they are just so damn cheap. And talk about instant gratification…….pics in 10 minutes! SOLD!


  2. Oh Summer

    What a (not so funny) but your words are funny story! Yes, we have done the same thing – but at least you got one good shot!



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